I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
