careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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