Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
