Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
And then he peed in my hair
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