New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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