apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
