Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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