she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
