Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
