why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
