You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And then he peed in my hair
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