i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
