sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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