Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
