I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You can't motorboat a personality
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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