A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?