Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Knowing your life, probably not.

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  (832): I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right? (303): Knowing your life, probably not. http://tfl.nu/p5sh
  Replies (4) Good night (980) Bad night (3238)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..

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  (480): I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box.. http://tfl.nu/ei9f
  Replies (32) Good night (2123) Bad night (5117)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.

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  (440): I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat. http://tfl.nu/xoj4
  Replies (6) Good night (1195) Bad night (3350)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now

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  (816): I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now http://tfl.nu/vuci
  Replies (23) Good night (1505) Bad night (3132)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...

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  (216): you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito... http://tfl.nu/yq5b
  Replies (9) Good night (4472) Bad night (975)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?

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  (970): do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom? http://tfl.nu/19xa
  Replies (55) Good night (1232) Bad night (17373)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.

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  (812): I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand. http://tfl.nu/31me
  Replies (6) Good night (1723) Bad night (687)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.

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  (706): I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart. http://tfl.nu/7g13
  Replies (3) Good night (1289) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want to like rub my face on his abs

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need help

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  (610): I just want to like rub my face on his abs (610): I need help http://tfl.nu/fsti
  Replies (2) Good night (988) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.

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  (289): Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes. http://tfl.nu/y1u0
  Replies (9) Good night (493) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.

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  (860): So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah. http://tfl.nu/6xvo
  Replies (0) Good night (756) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.

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  (570): Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM. http://tfl.nu/zh91
  Replies (0) Good night (557) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.

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  (704): I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job. http://tfl.nu/fsl0
  Replies (1) Good night (558) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job

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  (410): Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job http://tfl.nu/zapx
  Replies (3) Good night (475) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going

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  (203): I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going http://tfl.nu/1nul
  Replies (2) Good night (193) Bad night (346)

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