I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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