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I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
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