420 ftw
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
