Cold hands, warm shart.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
