There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
