i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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