There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
id be glad to
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
