Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
