just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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