Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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