i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
