you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
