When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
