Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
