I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
