Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
false alarm. still invincible.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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