So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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