When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
