I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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