does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I enjoy the company of your penis
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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