before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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