Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
