at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
