My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
