That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
