just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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