Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
