yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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