Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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