A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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