used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
