I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
