I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
