We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
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