you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
