dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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