i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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