I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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