Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
