I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
