i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
