That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
