At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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You pole danced in your parka.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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