matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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