The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
