Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
