So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
