yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
