Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
