I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
