Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
