I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
