This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
