Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
