Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
