Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
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This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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